Some days, the stimulus from the world can buoy us, some days it drags us down. Yesterday, it threatened to press me into the ground with grief. I wrote a few days ago that things are getting to me recently more than they have since I arrived here. The poverty and distress. (A caveat- it is not all bad here, there is an abundance of beauty and hope and good people). But with YOU operating on a skeleton staff and not able to offer its programs, I guess that is colouring my perspective. Yesterday, I was working at my desk when the buzzer sounded for someone to be let in (security feature). I got up to see a woman of about 50 and a young boy. She was short with a headscarf and jean skirt. The boy with her was probably about 16. He had a striped shirt, skinny jeans and impeccably groomed eyebrows. The woman started to explain that someone had sent her to YOU. Her son is “slow” (her word) and needs training in a skill so he can get a job. YOU has an employment program in which we offer this service. But of course, we are not offering it right now due to lack of funding. I explained this to her, gave her my card and told her to call in a month or two. Then I went in the bathroom and shed a few tears. I think we all know what it is like to be in a desperate situation and seeking help. To be turned away, well, that can be the event that prompts someone to give up. Or persevere. I hope this pair does. The thought of people needing help and YOU not being able to provide it is what is weighing me down. 

On my way home, I saw a starving puppy and five people asked me for money. Then the guy down the street who appeared to have moved on is back. Sleeping in the gravel, his t-shirt covering his face for a little darkness. I shed a few more tears in distress and a sense of helplessness. I realize this all sounds a little bit dramatic. It is perhaps not so bad out there as I am portraying, but there are, inarguably, serious social problems that one cannot ignore. For whatever reason, it is as if for me right now there are neon signs above all that is bad, pointing to all that should just not be but is.